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CAPTAIN FALCONE
HELLO! CAPTAIN FALCONE, WHO ALSO HAS THE NICK-NAME OF "SQUIDWARD TORTELLINI", IS A GREAT F-ZERO RACER, A GREAT HERO OF JUSTICE! AND THE MANLIEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE! YESZ! CAPTAIN FALCONE LOVES TO FALCONE... PAWNCH!!!!!, FALCONKICK!, AND TO SAY THE "YESZ!" TO THINGS. THE VEHICLE OF HIM IS THE COME AWN! ''BLUUUUUUUUE FALCONE!!!, AND HE USES IT TO WIN THE RACE AND TO RUN ON THE ENEMIES OF HIM, YESZ! ALL THE GOOD LITTLE CHILDREN USE '''CAPTAIN FALCONE' IN THE ON-LINE PLAY, AND WHEN HE WINS, HE DOES THE MANLY POSE OF GREAT INTIMIDATION AND TRIUMPH! (EVEN THOUGH IT LOOKS LIKE HE IS TAKING THE SHIT) THE MANLY SAYINGS OF CAPTAIN FALCONE CAPTAIN FALCONE ADDS THE WORD "FALCONE" BEFORE THE ATTACKS OF HIM BECAUSE IT MAKES THEM THE BEST AND SIGNATURE MOVES OF HIM, FOR GREAT JUSTICE! YESZ! HE ALSO LOVES THE WORD "YESZ!" FOR A NOT-EXPLAINED REASON, BUT EVERYONE AGREES THAT IT IS A GREATEST WORD IN THE UNIVERSE BECAUSE IT IS LOVED BY CAPTAIN FALCONE! ANOTHER FAVORITE PHRASE OF HIM IS THE "SHOW ME YA MOVES!", SINCE NO MOVES OF OTHER PEOPLE ARE AS GLORIOUS AS THE ONES OF CAPTAIN FALCONE! SOME PEOPLE THINK THE ACTUAL SAYING OF HIM IS "SHOW ME YA BOOBS!", WHICH IS FITTING TO SAY TO THE FAVORITE SEXY LADIES OF HIM, ESPECIALLY THE ZERO SUIT SAMUS WHO IS ALSO A TOUGH BOUNTY HUNTER OF GREAT JUSTICE, AND THE BEST LADY FOR CAPTAIN FALCONE!!! YESZ! CAREER CAPTAIN FALCONE IS A FAVORITE OF ALL THE FANS BECAUSE OF THE SIGNATURE MOVE OF HIM, THE FALCONE... PAWNCH!!!!! IT IS LIKE A PAWNCH, BUT IS NOT ONLY, IT IS A GREAT PAWNCH OF BURNING JUSTICE, WITH THE SYMBOL OF A FALCOAN MADE OF FLAMES! EVERYONE LOVES THE CAPTAIN FALCONE BECAUSE HE NAMES AND ENHANCES THE OTHER FIGHTING MOVES WITH THE SIGNATURE AND BEST OF HIM! YESZ! CAPTAIN FALCONE IS ALSO A FAVORITE OF THE SEXY LADIES, WITH AN ASS ALMOST AS GOOD AS THAT OF THE LUIGI! HE ALSO HAS AN ENORMOUS BULGE THAT SHOWS HOW EXCITED HE IS TO FIGHT AND DEAL THE BURNING JUSTICE TO THE FOES OF HIM! THE MEMES OF CAPTAIN FALCONE BECAUSE CAPTAIN FALCONE LOVES TO SAY THE WORD "FALCONE" BEFORE THE MOVES OF HIM, LOTS OF PEOPLE MAKE THE JOKE TO PUT THE WORD "FALCONE" BEFORE THE RHYMING AND OTHER WORDS, SUCH AS THE FALCONE... ''LAWNCH!!!!!'' PEOPLE ALSO USE THE FALCONE... ''PAWNCH!!!!!'' TO REFER TO PEOPLE USING THE PAWNCH ON OTHER PEOPLE, EVEN THOUGH THEY DO NOT HAVE THE FALCONE OF FIRE AND ARE NOT AS GLORIOUS AS THE REAL! CAPTAIN FALCONE ALSO IS A GOOD AMERICAN WHO SPEAKS THE VERY PROPER ENGLISH, AND IS A GREATEST AND MANLIEST THING IN THE UNIVERSE! YESZ! THE MANY GIRL-FRIENDS OF CAPTAIN FALCONE BECAUSE CAPTAIN FALCONE IS THE MANLIEST AND SEXIEST MAN IN THE UNIVERSE, EVERY WOMAN WHO EVER GAZES ON THE RIPPLING MUSCLES OF HIM FALLS IN LOVE. IT IS THIS WAY THAT HE GETS ALL THE 1,960,537 GIRL-FRIENDS THAT HE HAS, AND THE FAVORITE NINTENDO WAIFU OF YOU WILL NEVER LEAVE THE GLORIOUS CAPTAIN FALCONE TO BE WITH A LOSER LIKE YOU! HOOOOOOWAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! HERE ARE SOME OF THE SEXY LADIES OF CAPTAIN FALCONE: *JODY SUMMER (SOME BITCH FROM THE HOME SERIES OF CAPTAIN FALCONE) *SAMUS ARAN (HIS MOST FAVORITE SEXY LADY OF ALL WHO HE EVENTUALLY MARRIES, BECAUSE SHE IS A TOUGH SPACE BOUNTY HUNTERWOMAN OF JUSTICE) *THE GODDESS PALUTENA LADY (UNTIL HE FINDS OUT THAT SHE IS HIS MAWM) *THE REFLET (GIRL) *LUCINA (WHOSE CHEST IS SO FLAT THAT EVEN THE ONE OF CAPTAIN FALCONE IS SEXIER, NOT THAT IT WASN'T ANYWAY) *ROSETTA *THE ZELDA *NOT PEACH BECAUSE SHE IS A STUPID WOMAN *DAISY, MOSTLY TO PISS OFF Michaeloll AND TO MAKE HIM MORE SCARED OF CAPTAIN FALCONE *MASAHIRO SAKURAI THE HATERS OF CAPTAIN FALCONE IN THE BEGINNING OF 2015, EVERYONE HATED THE DIDDY KONG, AND ALL WAS GOOD. BECAUSE EVERYONE HATED, DIDDY GETS NERFED AS SOON AS THE MEWTWO RETURNS TO BATTLE. BUT CAPTAIN FALCONE IS ALWAYS THE TOUGHEST, STRONGEST AND FASTEST FIGHTER, WHICH EVERYONE NOTICES WHEN DIDDY IS HIT BY THE NERF-HAMMER, AND A HERETICAL CULT FORMS TO HATE CAPTAIN FALCONE FOR HAVING ALL THE KILL-MOVES AND BEING HARD TO DEAL WITH! IT IS BECAUSE THEY ARE EVIL SCUM WHO WORK FOR BLACK SHADOW AND DO NOT WANT TO APPRECIATE THE MANLINESS AND EXTREME POWER OF CAPTAIN FALCONE!!! IT IS THANKS TO THESE CRIMINALS THAT CAPTAIN FALCONE NOW LOSES EVERY POLL ON THE BOARD, SO THEY MUST BE PERSECUTED SO THAT OUR SAVIOR MAY NO LONGER BE SLANDERED! YEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!! GALLERY halolz-dot-com-supersmashbros-fzero-captainfalcon-falconpunch-art.jpg|PLEASE BUY THE OFFICIAL DRINK OF CAPTAIN FALCONE motivation___captain_falcon_by_songue-d4rohk5.jpg|'FALCONE... ''GROPE!!!!!' falcon_lunch_by_kerethros-d38w1yz.jpg|'FALCONE... LAWNCH!!!!!' al_140203_1852.jpg|THE GLORIOUS ASS OF '''CAPTAIN FALCONE' al_121104_1407.jpg|A DETAIL OF THE FALCONE... ''PAWNCH!!!!!'' al_140515_2125.jpg|MORE OF THE GLORIOUS ASS OF HIM TRIVIA *'CAPTAIN FALCONE' IS WORSHIPPED BY THE ViewtifulGene AND THE Svedeesh_Cheff! * Vyers THINKS THAT THE "SQUIDWARD TORTELLINI" IS THE REAL NAME OF CAPTAIN FALCONE! *ONE DAY, CAPTAIN FALCONE QUESTIONS IF THE PALUTENA LADY IS ACTUALLY WEARING A WIG AND IF THE OTHER PARTS OF HER ARE FAKE TOO, WHICH PUTS HER DESERVE AS ONE OF THE 1,960,537 GIRL-FRIENDS OF HIM INTO QUESTION. THE RESULT IS AN EPIC BATTLE OF GREAT JUSTICE WITH EXPLOSIONS THAT CAN BE SEEN FROM THE GALAXY, BECAUSE CAPTAIN FALCONE IS INVOLVED! YESZ! *THE EXTREMELY MANLY POWER OF CAPTAIN FALCONE IS JUSTIFIED, BECAUSE AT THE END OF F-ZERO GX, HE GETS THE CHAMPION'S BELT OF LIGHT AND DARK THAT GIVES CONTROL OVER THE UNIVERSE, AND KEEPS IT TO PROTECT IT FROM EVIL! YESZ! *GANONDORF IS THE DAD OF HIM, WHO TRIES TO BE AS COOL AND MANLY AS HIS SON BY STEALING HIS MOVES, BUT FAILS BECAUSE HE IS FAT AND OLD AND STUPID AND UGLY AND SLOW AND ONLY HAS A WUSSY ONE OF THE TRIFORCE WITH POWER INSTEAD OF THE JUST-MENTIONED BELT OF UNIVERSAL POWER! HOOOOOOOWAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!! Category:Veterans Category:Heroes Category:Confirmed Veterans Category:God Among Men Category:F-Zero Characters Category:Badass Characters Category:Characters With Amazing Asses Category:Waifus Category:Jigglypuff Syndrome Sufferers Category:Yes Category:64 Additions Category:CAPTAIN FALCONE Category:Husbandos Category:Sex Gods Category:Has too many waifus/husbandos Category:MANLY MAN Category:Actually not gay Category:Engrish Speakers Category:Characters with Significant Hatedoms Category:Beautiful Man Category:Articles about a person written in the style of that person